Acceptance and gratitude.

Last week, at our 33 week doctor's appointment, we found out that we have a breech baby. That would be breech baby number two for us. I was hoping for a VBAC for a number of reasons, but it looks like that may not be in the plan for us this time around. 

Going into this pregnancy, I let go of all of my expectations for what I hoped for for this birth. I learned so much from the struggles of my last pregnancy, birth experience, and postpartum time. Perhaps these lessons would not have been made so clear to me if everything had gone the way I would have hoped for. 

• During my last pregnancy, I ended up having six ultrasounds throughout for different little bumps in the road, which further helped me to realize that the most important thing is to have a healthy baby, regardless of how they enter the world. The word that I kept coming back to throughout my pregnancy with Everett was gratitude. Things didn't always go according to plan, but I was determined to be grateful, and focusing on gratitude instead of the challenges changed my perspective. 
• At 41 weeks, we found out we had a breech baby (what a surprise that was to us). After that appointment, I was devastated, and cried a lot trying to process this new information. We ended up having a beautiful birth, despite it being not what we had hoped or planned for. I am a planner, and we had taken a birth class, hired a doula, and we had a birth plan all typed out. None of those things came into play for our birth, but it was a beautiful, life changing experience that was the best day of my life. 
• After we welcomed our baby into the world, we struggled so much with breastfeeding. Breastfeeding was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and yet, I did it, through many tears in the beginning, but it grew into one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced in my life.

The hard parts of the journey helped me to focus on and appreciate the beauty even more. 

This time, as I go into the end stretch of carrying this baby, I just want to be at peace. I want to spend this time leading up to having the baby focusing on Everett and being grateful for the opportunity to do this all again, and I don't want to worry if the baby will turn or not. I will not be stressed or disappointed if I have another cesarean birth. Whatever happens will happen, and I will be present and grateful. This baby will make its way into the world how it is supposed to, and I will enjoy the magic that is carrying a baby for over nine months and then witnessing it be born.