23 weeks.

Dear baby, 

A couple of exciting things happened this week. On Saturday morning as I was lying in bed, your dad got to feel you move for the first time. It was pretty magical. Then, on Sunday he ran a marathon! I was really proud of him.

At 23 weeks, I am feeling the pressure to make decisions and have life planned out a little bit- figuring out work, childcare possibilities, finances, birthing, diapers, baby names- there are so many decisions to make before you even get here. My mom sent me an essay this week by Anna Quindlen that gave me comfort that the little details will work themselves out and aren't so important anyway:

Quindlen writes, "What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relatives- what they taught me was that they couldn't really teach me much at all... Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow... The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us made while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough... Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought that someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were..."

I guess I am just going to take a breath and be present for now, enjoying every little movement I feel from you, and figure each piece out as I need to. 

Love, 

Mama

(This week's photos were taken at the Balboa Park Cactus Garden.)