25 weeks.

Dear baby,

Life has been so, so full lately. For the past month, it seems as if every minute of every day has been planned with something to check off the to do list, and there is so much more to come before things slow down. We've been out of town for work, for family, for fun. We decided to do some house renovating before your arrival, turning one bathroom into two; we've been working hard in our jobs, as usual. It's left us with little time to sit and breathe and be present. We've often thought at the end of the day, how are we going to bring a baby into this chaos? And so we've talked about ways to make sure we slow down, change our schedules, open up our lives and have time more for you. I think we have some good plans in place. Through the chaos, there are so many moments of joy- watching my stomach move, hearing your dad talk to you, comments from others about my expanding belly. Growing a life is such a beautiful process. Taking time each week to sit down and write these little, silly notes and capture some photos helps to appreciate it and take it all in. Only fifteen weeks to go...

Love,
Mama

(This week's photos taken at Balboa Park in San Diego.)

24 weeks.

Dear baby, 

This week was the most uncomfortable of my pregnancy so far. I went on a two night college trip with all of the juniors at school up the coast to the Bay area. The first night we had to sleep on the bus, and while I'm sure it would have been uncomfortable no matter what state I was in, by the time I finally got home at two in the morning after the trip ended, my back hurt so bad, I cried. Going on the trip with my advisory at 24 weeks pregnant probably wasn't my best idea ever, but it kind of sums up my career- the things we teachers do for our students. We are crazy. I'm not sure what the future holds for me as far as my career goes, but regardless of that, I am incredibly grateful for these past eight years as a high school teacher. It has been a gift to spend my twenties doing work that I truly believe in and to spend my days with teenagers who inspire me. It's been a calling for me, in a sense. It's exciting to think about how you have your whole life ahead of you, and I wonder what you will grow up to do and what passions you will find. Fun things to dream about...

Love, 

Mama

(This week's photos were taken in Mammoth, CA on a long weekend trip with friends.)

23 weeks.

Dear baby, 

A couple of exciting things happened this week. On Saturday morning as I was lying in bed, your dad got to feel you move for the first time. It was pretty magical. Then, on Sunday he ran a marathon! I was really proud of him.

At 23 weeks, I am feeling the pressure to make decisions and have life planned out a little bit- figuring out work, childcare possibilities, finances, birthing, diapers, baby names- there are so many decisions to make before you even get here. My mom sent me an essay this week by Anna Quindlen that gave me comfort that the little details will work themselves out and aren't so important anyway:

Quindlen writes, "What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relatives- what they taught me was that they couldn't really teach me much at all... Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow... The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us made while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough... Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought that someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were..."

I guess I am just going to take a breath and be present for now, enjoying every little movement I feel from you, and figure each piece out as I need to. 

Love, 

Mama

(This week's photos were taken at the Balboa Park Cactus Garden.)

22 weeks.

Dear baby, 

Last week we had a wonderful doctor's appointment. Our doctor went over all of our test and ultrasound results with us, and everything is good! I don't have anymore placenta issues, our genetic testing came back negative for abnormalities, and for the first time, I am actually a normal pregnant woman without any issues. I probably won't even need another ultrasound, if all continues to go well. What a huge relief! All of that was great news, but the best part was that I felt you move for the first time at the doctor's appointment while she was finding your heartbeat. Now, I can feel you moving more and more and it is just pure pregnancy bliss. I am in a season of life where everything just seems too good to be true, and it makes me feel very undeserving. I am trying to just have a grateful heart each day. Warning: I am about to say the cheesiest thing I've ever said (being pregnant has turned me into a super cheesy person). Pregnancy is kind of like Christmas morning every day. On Christmas, you know you are going to have a good day, because it's Christmas and it's just how it is. Being pregnant makes every day a good one, because no matter what happens, I look down at my stretching belly, and it turns a bad day good. It's kind of amazing. So, here I am, trying to live into gratitude each and every day.

Love, 

Mama

(This week's photos were taken on a very windy evening in Newport Beach.)