Contradictory dreams.

In my daydreams, I am traveling in Europe by myself. If I’m being really honest, I imagine I am suddenly single, have just moved to a new city, have absolutely no friends, but a job at a cafe with cute little tables outside on a busy, picturesque street. I start to make friends through the interesting customers that come through. I am invited to quaint wine nights lit by candles (I think I may have internalized Eat, Pray, Love a little too much in my early twenties).

The other thing I daydream about is being home alone all day in a clean house, binge watching some easy show like This is Us, and ordering in sushi for lunch, all of which sounds kind of pathetic and yet really appealing. People post pictures of Netflix asking them if they are still watching, as if Netflix is judging their binging, and that sounds exactly like the type of judgment I wouldn't mind welcoming, just for one day.

Finally, I dream about having a third kid. I can't help it. Amidst all of the chaos, I enjoy being a mom more than I thought I would. I love to adventure near and far with my kids. The photographs in this post are of Everett and Cambria at a Waterfront Park concert. Everett insisted on wearing his pink superhero mask in the water. They exhibit pure joy at running through the fountains, and then dance their hearts out while watching the live musician. These types of magical moments are the norm in this season. Also the norm is interrupted sleep, tantrums, and incessant messes, but those things are small in comparison to the joy of parenthood. I just can't shake the feeling that our family isn't quite complete, but we'll see. We aren't making a decision one way or the other just yet, and I'm hoping clarity will come soon.

For now, we're just trying our best to enjoy the season we are in.