My word for 2018.

I decided before 2018 even started that I wasn’t going to make resolutions this year. I was just going to let the new year come and see where it takes me. Then, I decided that if I wasn’t going to make resolutions, I should at least choose one word for 2018, but nothing came to mind. I thought back to 2017 and how on January 1, 2017, I had no idea what the year would bring. I didn’t know that January 2017 would be Everett’s last month of preschool and that I would keep him home with Cambria and me. I didn’t know that I would decide not to go back to work and instead stay home with my kids. I didn’t know that when Cambria turned six months old, I would develop postpartum depression that would knock the wind and soul out of me. I didn’t know that I would be able to recover and heal and feel whole again. I didn’t know that I would keep Everett out of preschool this school year too, and that I would somehow, without really meaning to, be doing homeschool preschool with him. I didn’t know that I would find such joy in being a stay at home mom. 

Yet, with the ups and the downs of 2017, I wouldn’t really change a thing. 

2017 held a lot of surprises and unknowns, so it seemed naive to make goals for 2018 or set a word for an intention, as if I could even predict or plan for what this year may bring. 

Then, it finally came to me, my word for 2018: SURRENDER.

There are silly hopes I have for the year like settling into our home more, creating spaces that serve the needs for our family: a reading nook for the kids, a place where they can create and display art, a journaling space away from the kids for me, printing more photos and hanging more artwork. All things to add more joy to our space.

There are boring hopes like cleaning out all of our closets and cabinets by the end of January February. 

There are serious hopes, like I hope to figure out by the end of 2018 if we are going to have a third kid or if we are done with two. I am hoping the answer will come with time. My head says that it is crazy to even entertain the idea, but my heart says to not let go of it just yet. 

There are fun hopes. I want to keep adventuring with my family, in San Diego and beyond. 

There are important hopes like prioritizing self care.

Mostly though, I just want to surrender, and see where life takes us this year. To relinquish my need to be in control, and instead learn what life has to teach me. To be intentional and present, to focus on spreading love and kindness, and to slow down enough to think and reflect.