Tuesday, May 16, 2017

A hard day.

Today was one of those days where everything was hard. Cambria is teething and was fussy all. day. long. She wouldn’t allow me to put her down and wouldn’t play by herself for even one second. Everett is in the process of dropping his nap, except if he doesn’t nap, he is so overtired that I refer to him as the drunken sailor, but only behind his back, because I am trying to teach him kindness. He can’t form a coherent sentence, he is off balance, and usually, he falls asleep somewhere random for a short amount of time, only to then awaken and be extremely groggy and irritable. Today, as he was fully in the drunken sailor state, he bit my butt in a moment of vengeance, because I wouldn’t let him throw all of my clean laundry on the living room floor. It hurt and left a mark. I am trying not to take things personally when he acts out during his drunken sailor state, but I’ve always taken things too personally.  

For the past two weeks, I have felt a hermit tendency creep in. I have been less likely to reach out to people, and it feels easier to just stay home with the kids than to venture out, although I force myself to leave the house anyway to go to our weekly activities. My kids have been crazier than normal lately (their “normal” is a state of constant chaos, so beyond that is a bit overwhelming), and it feels easier to not subject others to our circus.

However, I am always happier when we do go out and about. Today was a beautiful, fun day with an outdoor concert at a local library and then a meet up with friends at Balboa Park where Everett got to scooter around while his friend rode her bike. Weekday morning outdoor concerts and park meetups with friends are the stuff that makes being a stay at home mom fun. These are the things that I never got to do as a working mom. But the in between moments of today were tough. Getting out the door this morning took so much effort, and once we came back home, both kids were overly exhausted. 

It was one of those days where you open a beer at 4:00 pm, because you feel like both of your kids crying simultaneously might be causing you to go insane, only to not drink it because your kids demand too much attention. And you call your husband while he’s on his way home and confess that no, you didn’t cook dinner or even make it to the store for grocery shopping. But yes, the house is mostly clean, you took the kids to two parks, which included an outdoor concert and a play date, and you realize that today wasn’t a total failure after all. Then, your husband gets home and confirms that yes, these kids are crazy. It’s definitely not you, it’s them. And by 5:00 pm, you wish you could just order in pizza for dinner. Or go to sleep. But neither happen.  

So your husband takes the kids for a walk while you lie in bed typing because you just need a minute to yourself, and you realize your journal is full of run-on sentences, which mirror the type of day you've had. Then when they get home, your son yells, “mama, where are you,” and walks into the bedroom and asks nicely, “mama, can I come up on the bed and cuddle with you?” And you say of course, and you hold each other, and it is all worth it. And then he nicely asks, “mama, can I touch that one button that I am only allowed to touch if I ask nicely” (because for some reason the only button on the keyboard that lights up is the caps lock button, and he likes to see the little green light come on). 


(The photos are from an afternoon awhile back hanging out in the backyard, on a day that was not as hard as today.)

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