Tuesday, January 31, 2017

This hard and beautiful season of life.

Whenever people ask me how I am doing these days, I say the same thing over and over. We're good, but we're tired. I feel like a broken record because I have said that phrase so often over the past three months. I feel bad, because people keep asking, and it's always the same story, different day. We're in a really beautiful season of life, but it is also really hard. I want to have something else to say about life these days, but that is just where we are at. Going from one kid to two has been a lot harder for us than I anticipated, and although managing a baby and a toddler during the day can be chaotic, what really makes this season of life hard is the nights. I hesitate to share with people who have one kid and are pregnant with their second when they ask me how the transition has been. I don't want to scare them, because I am not sure if our experience is normal or not, but I also want to be authentic. It has been hard, and it still is hard. I think for some people the transition to two kids is a lot easier than it has been for us, though, and so I am hopeful that it will be easier for friends of ours. We don't have two particularly easy kids. Everett throws tantrums when he has to end an activity that he doesn't want to end or do something he doesn't want to do, and so there are tantrums. He's a runner and runs away from us in public, which make certain outings with him and a baby challenging. He stopped sleeping through the night right before Cambria was born, which we thought would be a short phase with the adjustment to having a new baby in the house, but there are no signs that his sleep regression will end any time soon. Cambria doesn't like to be held by anybody except her mom or dad. She wakes up to eat every two to three hours throughout the night, and usually more often than that, and there is no sign that that is changing either. When Everett was her age, he was a decent night sleeper until he hit the four month sleep regression. With Cambria, I am not sure we will notice the four month sleep regression, because it feels like we have been there all along. 

Sunday was one of the hardest parenting days I have had. Between Cambria tossing and turning and waking throughout the night and Everett waking up for the day at 2:00 in the morning, I got about 1 hour of sleep. I was standing over Everett's bed in the middle of the night crying, pleading with him to go back to sleep, while also realizing that he was trying to sleep, but it just wasn't happening. On Sunday, everything felt impossible and I felt like I wasn't the mom or wife or friend or human being I wanted to be, and then I felt guilty for not being all of those things better. Over the past two nights, we have gotten more sleep, and the week feels good and hopeful again. Sleep deprivation is so all consuming and overwhelming, and so this season of life is hard with two young children who aren't good sleepers.

With that said, in the midst of the challenges, I want to also focus on how beautiful it is, too. Motherhood makes me feel crazy, because it is so freaking hard and so freaking beautiful every day and night. It is a 24/7 job that I rarely get a break from and I am exhausted, but I also love it so much. We are in the midst of such a hard and beautiful season of life. I am so tired, and I am also so grateful.

The transition from one to two kids has brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined as I witness their relationship develop and the love that they already have for each other.

Everett loves his sister and she loves him back, saving her biggest smiles for him. "Mama, I give Cambria a kiss. Mama, I sit on the white chair and read Cambria a book. Mama, I bring Cambria a car. Mama, I set up books for Cambria to read."

They sure are sweet together.


  1. Ugh, Brooke! Hang in there! We are a month away from getting #2 and although you're post does scare me a bit, I'm glad you're honest. I'm sure in a few months I'll be EVEN more grateful that you've shared the truth because more moms need to hear that it IS hard. I am so sure that you are doing an amazing job, a much better job than you think you are. Enjoy the beauty when you can <3

  2. Loni! I've just been secretly blogging over here, and didn't think anyone read it! It helps me process this journey. I can't wait to see beautiful photos of your new baby! It is hard, but so beautiful too, and since I wrote this, I think things have gotten easier. :)